My husband has been gone a lot lately. He usually works all day and then has meetings or some obligation at night. (don't worry, he goes above a beyond to spend time with us. He is still the man of my dreams and he spends plenty of quality time at home too). We only have one car. Zion and I spend MANY hours alone together. Honestly, there are times I get really lonely. It would be so nice to have someone who says more than 50 words in english and 25 words in spanish to talk to. However, I do want to remember the way he says every single one of those words, even when he doesn't say them that way anymore. My favorite is the way he says "Show" and how every time he says the word "Monkey" he feels the need to make monkey sounds along with it.
Anyway, I'm going through this time in my life where it seems like everything is new. Everything, no matter how simple or familiar, becomes a tangible picture of God's love for me. and by everything...I mean EVERYTHING. I want to try to explain this...but the reality is, words can't explain this. This is going to be my sorry attempt at trying to explain...I hope it somewhat makes sense.
So back to my many hours alone with a 2 year old...
I just can't get over how much I love this kid. I mean, he talks in one or two word sentences all day. Yet, I still love it when he has "conversations" with me. He has a tantrum over something he wants but can't have at least 4 times a day. Yet, I know he is two. He can't express his feelings through words, so he just screams instead. I have lots of grace for those tantrums. He makes everything into a mess. He puts dirty foot prints all over my white couch. He rubs yogurt in his hair. But I know that he is two. It's just going to happen. And at the end of the long day, when he falls asleep, I forget all about the struggles I had with him that day. Ten minutes after he is asleep, I miss him and I have to fight the urge to go into his room and scoop him up and hold him.
If this is what a mother's love can do...
If I am human and I can love my son like this...
Then what can God's love do?
How vast and unfathomable is God's love for me?
How many times have I come before God with requests and "conversations" so simple for him, but so complex for me to understand. Yet, he doesn't dismiss me...he loves my 2 word sentences. And my tantrums; I am ashamed to even go there. How many times do I have a complete melt down because I only see things my way. The grace that covers all of those times...well, I did nothing to deserve all of that grace. The messes I make of so many things...I don't even want to think about all of the messes I make, but the love that it takes to clean up the mess...that kind of Love doesn't just happen. That is that kind of love you have for YOUR kid. It's the kind of love that can forget, in an instant, what a mess I've made of my day, all of the hateful things I have thought or said, all of the selfishness in my heart, all of the pride that makes me think I am good enough on my own, and the arrogance that tells me I have and can somehow earn salvation. It is the kind of love that has seen all of this, all of everything in my heart, and at the end of the day can just put that aside and still have the urge to scoop me up and hold me and love me like I could never deserve. That is how HE loves me. I am overwhelmed.
Lately, I just feel completely undone. This is a good place to be.
Recently, I read the news and all I can think is LOVE! God, help us understand love! If Christians could just LOVE...if we could understand that the answer is not more laws to force everyone to act "saved". The answer is not to vote the right person into office and expect him to magically fix everything. The answer will not come through opinionated Facebook status updates. God, teach us how to LOVE. To meet the needs of those around us and build meaningful relationships with people...not just those people in the church...but our neighbors and the people we interact with everyday. I think maybe my prayer this week should be "God, help me to love other Christians who are, at times, unloving people".
So my challenge for the week is this: Let God love me how only HE can love me, Love everyone EVERYONE in my life with that same love.
Anyway, I'm going through this time in my life where it seems like everything is new. Everything, no matter how simple or familiar, becomes a tangible picture of God's love for me. and by everything...I mean EVERYTHING. I want to try to explain this...but the reality is, words can't explain this. This is going to be my sorry attempt at trying to explain...I hope it somewhat makes sense.
So back to my many hours alone with a 2 year old...
I just can't get over how much I love this kid. I mean, he talks in one or two word sentences all day. Yet, I still love it when he has "conversations" with me. He has a tantrum over something he wants but can't have at least 4 times a day. Yet, I know he is two. He can't express his feelings through words, so he just screams instead. I have lots of grace for those tantrums. He makes everything into a mess. He puts dirty foot prints all over my white couch. He rubs yogurt in his hair. But I know that he is two. It's just going to happen. And at the end of the long day, when he falls asleep, I forget all about the struggles I had with him that day. Ten minutes after he is asleep, I miss him and I have to fight the urge to go into his room and scoop him up and hold him.
If this is what a mother's love can do...
If I am human and I can love my son like this...
Then what can God's love do?
How vast and unfathomable is God's love for me?
How many times have I come before God with requests and "conversations" so simple for him, but so complex for me to understand. Yet, he doesn't dismiss me...he loves my 2 word sentences. And my tantrums; I am ashamed to even go there. How many times do I have a complete melt down because I only see things my way. The grace that covers all of those times...well, I did nothing to deserve all of that grace. The messes I make of so many things...I don't even want to think about all of the messes I make, but the love that it takes to clean up the mess...that kind of Love doesn't just happen. That is that kind of love you have for YOUR kid. It's the kind of love that can forget, in an instant, what a mess I've made of my day, all of the hateful things I have thought or said, all of the selfishness in my heart, all of the pride that makes me think I am good enough on my own, and the arrogance that tells me I have and can somehow earn salvation. It is the kind of love that has seen all of this, all of everything in my heart, and at the end of the day can just put that aside and still have the urge to scoop me up and hold me and love me like I could never deserve. That is how HE loves me. I am overwhelmed.
Lately, I just feel completely undone. This is a good place to be.
Recently, I read the news and all I can think is LOVE! God, help us understand love! If Christians could just LOVE...if we could understand that the answer is not more laws to force everyone to act "saved". The answer is not to vote the right person into office and expect him to magically fix everything. The answer will not come through opinionated Facebook status updates. God, teach us how to LOVE. To meet the needs of those around us and build meaningful relationships with people...not just those people in the church...but our neighbors and the people we interact with everyday. I think maybe my prayer this week should be "God, help me to love other Christians who are, at times, unloving people".
So my challenge for the week is this: Let God love me how only HE can love me, Love everyone EVERYONE in my life with that same love.
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