This is a precious time. I am right on the verge of having my family grow from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I'm pretty impatient right now. I'd like to go into labor any minute (and I suppose I could), but I'm pretty sure that, just like with Zion, I will miss being pregnant as soon as Ezekiel is born. I will for sure be so glad he is here and so happy to finally hold him in my arms, but I will miss being pregnant. I will definitely NOT miss the morning sickness, the fact that I can't move without giving myself a contraction, or the lack of sleep. I am pretty sure that the thing about pregnancy I will miss is the anticipation of seeing and holding my baby for the first time. And the excitement that comes from the fact that God is knitting together a person in my womb, as we speak. How incredible is that?
So on that thought, here is the thing I wanted to write about:
For a long time, something has been bothering me. I haven't fully been able to put it into words, but I finally feel like I'm at the point where I can start to try. So here goes. There is something terribly, horribly wrong with how women are treated during pregnancy and birth in our country and it REALLY bothers me. So this is going to be a blog about MY personal experience and my thoughts on it. Take it or leave it, but please don't feel like I am saying that there is only one way to do things. I feel like no matter how we birth our babies, there is still much room for improvement with how we see ourselves as women, how we allow ourselves to be treated and how we treat other women.
Let me back up and explain. First of all, from the second you get pregnant, you get all of the well meaning "advice" from anyone and everyone you come into contact with. And a lot of it is SO negative. If it isn't the question of "oh, you are having ANOTHER one?" (and you know by that the person means "WHY would you keep having kids. Aren't there enough people in the world? Don't you know how this happens?) then it's the horror stories about pregnancy and how it ruined their body. Or you have the women who are eager to tell you about how horrible their pregnancy was or how scary their delivery happened to be and about how they would have died if they weren't in the hospital. And don't even get me started on breastfeeding and what a taboo thing everyone makes it to be. Why can I open Facebook and see people posting boobs half hanging out everywhere, but God forbid it be a picture of a woman breastfeeding and everyone freaks out and Facebook bans the photo?? Anyway, back to my point. It seems at times so hard to find someone - anyone - who is willing to talk about what a sacred and beautiful thing pregnancy is and what a gift it is to even get a chance to be pregnant in the first place.
The real root of why it all bothers me is this: the negativity subtly takes the focus off of the beautiful plan God has for us as women and it puts the focus on all of the reasons why we, as women, are not well equipped, not strong enough, not living in bodies that are perfect enough, and just all together not enough. It brings up the lie over and over again that God's design for women is flawed. That we should be ashamed of our bodies, of birth, and of our inadequacy to carry out the tasks of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. It takes us out of touch with our creator and with who we are in Christ and it throws in our face everything we think we are not.
I feel that, having had the "hospital birth experience", I have a first hand account of what it meant for me personally and so I am speaking from my own experience here. Before I actually went into labor with Zion, I had planned to try to have a natural birth. I didn't have a clear plan of how to make that happen and I didn't realize how much pressure I would have placed on me to blindly follow orders once I got into the hospital, so the natural birth plan did not hold up long. Before I went into labor with Zion, I felt strong and ready for labor. I was excited. I was unsure of what kind of a mother I would be, but I prayed I would be a good one. I think for me, that was the scariest part of being a first time mom. Before you have a child, you don't understand how much you will love this tiny person until it actually happens, so you are afraid you won't be able to love enough. Women go into their birth experience for the first time looking for reassurance that they can do this motherhood thing. Unfortunately, through the way many of us are treated from the second we step into the hospital, we are met with the opposite of reassurance.
For example: When I arrived at labor and delivery, excited and thinking I was in labor, I got the rudest nurse possible who was just harsh and impersonal. Then, after being hooked up to the monitors for a few minutes, uncomfortable the whole time, she comes in and says "OH Honey, you aren't in labor! Real labor is going to hurt A LOT more than this". So from that second on, instead of feeling like I can do this thing, I heard, "If you can't handle this now, then you are never going to be strong enough to be in real labor. You can't do this at all".
Then, on top of that, she decided to check my cervix by being as rough and rude as possible - saying while she was hurting me "I don't know who told you you were dilated. You are not dilated at all". She made me feel stupid. She had no concept of the fact that I was a real person and A) she was too rough and B) That is a private area and not one that you can just treat with disrespect. I honestly felt so violated. When my husband came back in the room after she checked me (he should have just stayed but she asked him to leave so he did) her glove was covered in blood and my husband was freaked out to say the least. I was weeping and I didn't know why at the time. But it just came down to the fact that I felt diminished. I felt like what I wanted from this birth didn't matter anymore because I didn't feel empowered to speak up and say "no, I don't need you to check me. I want another nurse, or I want to wait for my midwife". So then enters lie #2..."I do not deserve for my body to be treated with respect because this is just 'hospital policy', and I don't have the strength to speak up for myself".
So I was given Morphine with no explanation really of how this would affect me or my baby, and sent home. Still contracting, definitely in labor, but too scared to argue with the system. Needless to say, a couple of hours later my husband had to practically drag me out of the house and back to the hospital because I was definitely in labor (and high on morphine - not a good combination). But I was so fearful of another horrible experience at that point, that I did not want to set foot back in that triage department.
Anyway, take two, I was met by the same nurse who was still working her same shift, and I was checked once again. This time, I was pretty much in my own world because I was having some serious contractions, but my husband and friend were forced to wait outside of triage for what felt like FOREVER. I was all alone in there, on the most uncomfortable stretcher ever, hooked up the the monitor and hyperventilating through my contractions because I was terrified, and all alone with Nurse Crazy who kept yelling at me the whole time to "JUST BREATHE". Finally, I just asked for the epidural. I was defeated. I felt totally crushed. Most of my birth plan was out the window and I felt like I had no power whatsoever to ask for my support team to be allowed in the room with me or to request that they contact my midwife NOW instead of just letting me navigate my contractions in an uncomfortable room alone until I broke down and gave up. Needless to say, it was not the empowering and encouraging start to motherhood that I had hoped for. The rest of the labor went smoothly for the most part. There were a few bumps in the road but my son was born healthy and perfect. His birth was still a precious and beautiful thing. I bonded with Zion the first second I saw him. I'm thankful for all that did go well. But a good outcome does not dismiss the fact that laboring in the manor and circumstances that I did, really opened my eyes to the reality of how women are being treated in labor and birth and the impact that is having on us. Whether we acknowledge it or not, it is happening - we as women are being bullied, stripped of our right to have a personal and beautiful birth, and duped into thinking that birth is just something to get through and survive so that you can have your baby after it is all over.
The truth is, When a baby is born, a mother is born too. And the manner in which a baby is born is SO important for so many reasons! God created women to do this. It is supposed to be a beautiful and empowering experience. God created your body to naturally release chemicals that bond you and your baby and make you feel like you just conquered the world and are now ready to BE the mother you want to be. After birth, you should feel this overwhelming high that you just did this. You made this baby, in your body, and you endured through all of those 9+ months, and then you gave birth to this baby with your own body. What you should not feel is humiliated, trapped, diminished, and defeated because you were not able to have a voice in the process or stand up for yourself.
When I had Zion, I did experience the joy and the excitement of what I had just accomplished. I still remember that feeling. And I know that a lot of women still experience that despite the circumstances surrounding their child's birth. However, I also experienced the frustration of not being heard and of being forced to compromise my birth plan in order to fit into the box of "this is how labor should be" and "this is hospital protocol because it is easier for the hospital staff to deal with a birth that follows all of the rules rather than a birth that deviates from the norm". I was forced to sacrifice parts of what my birth experience should have been in order to please the hospital staff. As women, we are pushed into believing that the norm is to go to the hospital, surrender to whatever the doctor's and nurses say because birth is SO dangerous, and be thankful that the doctors are able to save the mother and the baby when something bad happens. Birth becomes a scary emergency situation that is full of fear and uncertainty. There is no joy and no trust in God as the creator of our bodies as women and the miracle that is taking place. That should not happen. If God created this child and knit him together second by second, day by day, and knew every hair on his head before he was born, then I find it hard to believe that the way he is born is not equally as important.
So most people I know look at me like I'm a crazy woman when I tell them that I am planning to have Ezekiel at home with a midwife this time. I don't feel like I have to justify my choice, but I do feel like I wanted to share my thoughts on this for all of the women that are curious to know what we are thinking. My husband and I just want our baby to be born when he is ready, in a calm environment where he is able to stay on my chest and bond with me (and his daddy) and just be. We just want to let my body do what it was designed to do without intervention unless it is needed.
If I had a high risk situation, or if I or my baby needed emergency intervention, thank God it is there! Thank God there are doctors who can step in. But, I am talking about a normal birth with no complications.
And I also want to say that I am in no way judging any other woman's birth decisions. I am just saying, Women, You have a choice! You CAN and should make your own decisions and have the birth that is right for you. Whether it is a hospital birth with an epidural or a C-section or a home birth or whatever, then just go into it confident and sure that it is YOUR decision based on what is right for your baby and not something you feel pushed into. My sister always has hospital births and she has chosen a great OB who works hard to keep the best interest of mama and baby first, and it has always been a positive experience for her because she does her own research and asserts herself and makes her own decisions. You have much more power and intuition as a mother than you are giving yourself credit for. You know what is best for your baby and YOUR BODY IS NOT BROKEN. Your body will know what to do when it is time to birth your baby and feed your baby and you will love that baby from the first second because THAT is the beauty of how God made you. You were made for this! You are strong! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
And let's just take it a step further and know that becoming a mother is just the beginning. If you can realize how strong, beautiful and unique you are as a woman, and if you can chase after what it is God has called you to be, then what can stop you from changing the world?
So on that thought, here is the thing I wanted to write about:
For a long time, something has been bothering me. I haven't fully been able to put it into words, but I finally feel like I'm at the point where I can start to try. So here goes. There is something terribly, horribly wrong with how women are treated during pregnancy and birth in our country and it REALLY bothers me. So this is going to be a blog about MY personal experience and my thoughts on it. Take it or leave it, but please don't feel like I am saying that there is only one way to do things. I feel like no matter how we birth our babies, there is still much room for improvement with how we see ourselves as women, how we allow ourselves to be treated and how we treat other women.
Let me back up and explain. First of all, from the second you get pregnant, you get all of the well meaning "advice" from anyone and everyone you come into contact with. And a lot of it is SO negative. If it isn't the question of "oh, you are having ANOTHER one?" (and you know by that the person means "WHY would you keep having kids. Aren't there enough people in the world? Don't you know how this happens?) then it's the horror stories about pregnancy and how it ruined their body. Or you have the women who are eager to tell you about how horrible their pregnancy was or how scary their delivery happened to be and about how they would have died if they weren't in the hospital. And don't even get me started on breastfeeding and what a taboo thing everyone makes it to be. Why can I open Facebook and see people posting boobs half hanging out everywhere, but God forbid it be a picture of a woman breastfeeding and everyone freaks out and Facebook bans the photo?? Anyway, back to my point. It seems at times so hard to find someone - anyone - who is willing to talk about what a sacred and beautiful thing pregnancy is and what a gift it is to even get a chance to be pregnant in the first place.
The real root of why it all bothers me is this: the negativity subtly takes the focus off of the beautiful plan God has for us as women and it puts the focus on all of the reasons why we, as women, are not well equipped, not strong enough, not living in bodies that are perfect enough, and just all together not enough. It brings up the lie over and over again that God's design for women is flawed. That we should be ashamed of our bodies, of birth, and of our inadequacy to carry out the tasks of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. It takes us out of touch with our creator and with who we are in Christ and it throws in our face everything we think we are not.
I feel that, having had the "hospital birth experience", I have a first hand account of what it meant for me personally and so I am speaking from my own experience here. Before I actually went into labor with Zion, I had planned to try to have a natural birth. I didn't have a clear plan of how to make that happen and I didn't realize how much pressure I would have placed on me to blindly follow orders once I got into the hospital, so the natural birth plan did not hold up long. Before I went into labor with Zion, I felt strong and ready for labor. I was excited. I was unsure of what kind of a mother I would be, but I prayed I would be a good one. I think for me, that was the scariest part of being a first time mom. Before you have a child, you don't understand how much you will love this tiny person until it actually happens, so you are afraid you won't be able to love enough. Women go into their birth experience for the first time looking for reassurance that they can do this motherhood thing. Unfortunately, through the way many of us are treated from the second we step into the hospital, we are met with the opposite of reassurance.
For example: When I arrived at labor and delivery, excited and thinking I was in labor, I got the rudest nurse possible who was just harsh and impersonal. Then, after being hooked up to the monitors for a few minutes, uncomfortable the whole time, she comes in and says "OH Honey, you aren't in labor! Real labor is going to hurt A LOT more than this". So from that second on, instead of feeling like I can do this thing, I heard, "If you can't handle this now, then you are never going to be strong enough to be in real labor. You can't do this at all".
Then, on top of that, she decided to check my cervix by being as rough and rude as possible - saying while she was hurting me "I don't know who told you you were dilated. You are not dilated at all". She made me feel stupid. She had no concept of the fact that I was a real person and A) she was too rough and B) That is a private area and not one that you can just treat with disrespect. I honestly felt so violated. When my husband came back in the room after she checked me (he should have just stayed but she asked him to leave so he did) her glove was covered in blood and my husband was freaked out to say the least. I was weeping and I didn't know why at the time. But it just came down to the fact that I felt diminished. I felt like what I wanted from this birth didn't matter anymore because I didn't feel empowered to speak up and say "no, I don't need you to check me. I want another nurse, or I want to wait for my midwife". So then enters lie #2..."I do not deserve for my body to be treated with respect because this is just 'hospital policy', and I don't have the strength to speak up for myself".
So I was given Morphine with no explanation really of how this would affect me or my baby, and sent home. Still contracting, definitely in labor, but too scared to argue with the system. Needless to say, a couple of hours later my husband had to practically drag me out of the house and back to the hospital because I was definitely in labor (and high on morphine - not a good combination). But I was so fearful of another horrible experience at that point, that I did not want to set foot back in that triage department.
Anyway, take two, I was met by the same nurse who was still working her same shift, and I was checked once again. This time, I was pretty much in my own world because I was having some serious contractions, but my husband and friend were forced to wait outside of triage for what felt like FOREVER. I was all alone in there, on the most uncomfortable stretcher ever, hooked up the the monitor and hyperventilating through my contractions because I was terrified, and all alone with Nurse Crazy who kept yelling at me the whole time to "JUST BREATHE". Finally, I just asked for the epidural. I was defeated. I felt totally crushed. Most of my birth plan was out the window and I felt like I had no power whatsoever to ask for my support team to be allowed in the room with me or to request that they contact my midwife NOW instead of just letting me navigate my contractions in an uncomfortable room alone until I broke down and gave up. Needless to say, it was not the empowering and encouraging start to motherhood that I had hoped for. The rest of the labor went smoothly for the most part. There were a few bumps in the road but my son was born healthy and perfect. His birth was still a precious and beautiful thing. I bonded with Zion the first second I saw him. I'm thankful for all that did go well. But a good outcome does not dismiss the fact that laboring in the manor and circumstances that I did, really opened my eyes to the reality of how women are being treated in labor and birth and the impact that is having on us. Whether we acknowledge it or not, it is happening - we as women are being bullied, stripped of our right to have a personal and beautiful birth, and duped into thinking that birth is just something to get through and survive so that you can have your baby after it is all over.
The truth is, When a baby is born, a mother is born too. And the manner in which a baby is born is SO important for so many reasons! God created women to do this. It is supposed to be a beautiful and empowering experience. God created your body to naturally release chemicals that bond you and your baby and make you feel like you just conquered the world and are now ready to BE the mother you want to be. After birth, you should feel this overwhelming high that you just did this. You made this baby, in your body, and you endured through all of those 9+ months, and then you gave birth to this baby with your own body. What you should not feel is humiliated, trapped, diminished, and defeated because you were not able to have a voice in the process or stand up for yourself.
When I had Zion, I did experience the joy and the excitement of what I had just accomplished. I still remember that feeling. And I know that a lot of women still experience that despite the circumstances surrounding their child's birth. However, I also experienced the frustration of not being heard and of being forced to compromise my birth plan in order to fit into the box of "this is how labor should be" and "this is hospital protocol because it is easier for the hospital staff to deal with a birth that follows all of the rules rather than a birth that deviates from the norm". I was forced to sacrifice parts of what my birth experience should have been in order to please the hospital staff. As women, we are pushed into believing that the norm is to go to the hospital, surrender to whatever the doctor's and nurses say because birth is SO dangerous, and be thankful that the doctors are able to save the mother and the baby when something bad happens. Birth becomes a scary emergency situation that is full of fear and uncertainty. There is no joy and no trust in God as the creator of our bodies as women and the miracle that is taking place. That should not happen. If God created this child and knit him together second by second, day by day, and knew every hair on his head before he was born, then I find it hard to believe that the way he is born is not equally as important.
So most people I know look at me like I'm a crazy woman when I tell them that I am planning to have Ezekiel at home with a midwife this time. I don't feel like I have to justify my choice, but I do feel like I wanted to share my thoughts on this for all of the women that are curious to know what we are thinking. My husband and I just want our baby to be born when he is ready, in a calm environment where he is able to stay on my chest and bond with me (and his daddy) and just be. We just want to let my body do what it was designed to do without intervention unless it is needed.
If I had a high risk situation, or if I or my baby needed emergency intervention, thank God it is there! Thank God there are doctors who can step in. But, I am talking about a normal birth with no complications.
And I also want to say that I am in no way judging any other woman's birth decisions. I am just saying, Women, You have a choice! You CAN and should make your own decisions and have the birth that is right for you. Whether it is a hospital birth with an epidural or a C-section or a home birth or whatever, then just go into it confident and sure that it is YOUR decision based on what is right for your baby and not something you feel pushed into. My sister always has hospital births and she has chosen a great OB who works hard to keep the best interest of mama and baby first, and it has always been a positive experience for her because she does her own research and asserts herself and makes her own decisions. You have much more power and intuition as a mother than you are giving yourself credit for. You know what is best for your baby and YOUR BODY IS NOT BROKEN. Your body will know what to do when it is time to birth your baby and feed your baby and you will love that baby from the first second because THAT is the beauty of how God made you. You were made for this! You are strong! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
And let's just take it a step further and know that becoming a mother is just the beginning. If you can realize how strong, beautiful and unique you are as a woman, and if you can chase after what it is God has called you to be, then what can stop you from changing the world?
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