im·pa·tience [im-pey-shuhns]
noun
1.lack of patience.
2.eager desire for relief or change; restlessness.
3.intolerance of anything that thwarts, delays, or hinders.
noun
1.lack of patience.
2.eager desire for relief or change; restlessness.
3.intolerance of anything that thwarts, delays, or hinders.
This is it in a nutshell. This is exactly what has been eating at me:
Impatience
I want to have another baby. I want to go back to school. I want Zion to stop growing up so fast. I want to be at a place where we are more financially secure. I want....I WANT...
There comes a point where all of this wanting is making me very weary. I'm tired of wanting.
One thing I don't want...I don't want to turn 30 next month. However, I want time to move faster so I can accomplish the list above. I have a lot of demands. I'm like the spoiled little kid with her hand in the jar who can't get her hand out because she won't let go of the "prize" she thinks she is going to be able to pull out of that jar. If she would only open her hand and let go...then maybe she could be free from the jar.
You would think that by now, with all of the faithfulness God has shown me, that I would just realize that he ALWAYS takes care of me. He always delivers what he promises. He ALWAYS fulfills the desires of my heart. He has never left me alone. Yet, I still doubt. I'm still impatient.
Hebrews 6:12
We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. (NIV)
We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. (NIV)
I have become lazy. Waiting is too much work. Instead of keeping faith that my God is and always has been faithful to me, I have decided that I can't wait for my perfect God to come through. I have decided instead to whine and pout and feel sorry for myself; Sorry for myself that I only have one child. Sorry for myself that I do not see the kind of progress in my career or my mothering skills, or my home, or our finances that I want. Sorry for myself that I don't have MY way in MY timing.
God! Help me! Teach me to wait on you. Your timing is perfect. I know this first hand. I know this because in your perfect timing, you sent me my husband. In your perfect timing you gave me Zion. In your perfect timing you ordered my life. And when I put all of this impatience aside, I realize that my life is beautiful. My family is perfect. My husband is amazing and my Son is beautiful. How is it, with all of the prayers that I prayed for years answered, I can still find myself wanting for more and putting a time limit on your plan for me, God?
I want to stop wanting. I need to stop evaluating my life in terms of MY timeline. God's timeline is perfect for me. He knows what is best for me. HE knows exactly what he is doing! And I am determined to WAIT.
God! Help me! Teach me to wait on you. Your timing is perfect. I know this first hand. I know this because in your perfect timing, you sent me my husband. In your perfect timing you gave me Zion. In your perfect timing you ordered my life. And when I put all of this impatience aside, I realize that my life is beautiful. My family is perfect. My husband is amazing and my Son is beautiful. How is it, with all of the prayers that I prayed for years answered, I can still find myself wanting for more and putting a time limit on your plan for me, God?
I want to stop wanting. I need to stop evaluating my life in terms of MY timeline. God's timeline is perfect for me. He knows what is best for me. HE knows exactly what he is doing! And I am determined to WAIT.
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